Wednesday, June 18, 2014

John Bradley's Heaven

Detroit Free Press, July 8, 1877
Heaven is many things to different people. Some believe it to be the living embodiment of God himself. Others suppose it to be a spiritual rose garden. John Lennon imagined it not to exist at all. But John Bradley, Eloise mental patient, described it as thus: "many miles of highway paved with solid white ivory," and buildings of gold with diamond windows, inhabited by all-seeing, bloodless and boneless anorexic mutes that traversed air and space a million miles per second.

Though to get there one had to first become deaf, dumb and blind. Then escaping with the help of a comrade by scaling the asylum walls, breaking loose from your shackles, commandeering a wagon from women scared out of their wits, driving towards the big city with farmers and cops in pursuit, and then when captured offer the arresting officer a cut of the 200 hundred grand that a man in New York will send to you if you only write him and tell him that you've been discovered in Heaven. Sounds reasonable to me.

No comments: